Inside Male Sexuality – Part I. Man Surrenders to Woman


Jai Daemion © 2010 Syncresis


Man enters Woman. Sex. Listen to this: this is about what men can feel. If you are a man, feel through this and find if it rings your bell, expresses your experience in some way. If you are a woman, try to resist mentally adding the ‘woman’s perspective’ as you read this. Not many men discover this simple reality – and very few of them could tell you about it. OK we’re done with that. Lets enter into sex.

The male penis is connected inside the man’s body by a ligament. It is not free-standing (or whatever) even though it seems pretty wobbly. The wobble is to allow powerful movement and soft repositioning. When a man becomes erect, the very most sensitive part of his body moves outward from being cradled by his scrotum, balls, and any belly softness. The erection changes the penis from a passive outflow mechanism that urinates, into a single-minded extension of the male’s deepest sensitivity and feeling.

When a man enters a woman’s body, he is making an offering. He is moving in trust to allow this extremely delicate glans (and shaft) to enter another human being’s body. The penis is going to be completely stripped of all its defenses or self-protection as it enters the vagina. No amount of macho can cover this up: the erect penis is an extension of man’s most vulnerable self.

This is an act of profound surrender for the man: he is, literally, consigning himself into ‘The Great Unknown’ – and there is nothing certain about what will happen. Feelings may amaze him and can be so intense that they are frightening. It is a massive amount of feeling – sensation, emotion, meaning, hope, excitement, magic. No wonder it can be frightening, with all of these dimensions of the man’s experience firing off into infinity at once.

So some men cry as they are flooded with the incredible feeling of relief that connection into Woman brings. Woman: your body is Home to all human beings and man returns to this Home through having sex with you. His penis reaching upwards toward your womb. Your breath and heart Home to his chest and his head, as he rests upon your heart before and after sex (and in his dreams, evermore). Your connection of emotion, consciousness and your physical body (which reflects your feeling exactly, of course), do not just ‘represent’ or ‘symbolize’ something like Mother, or the start of Life, or the only place and moment of real Peace that many men ever experience. You are Home – and we are at home in you, more than anywhere else in our lives.

Do you get it? Men usually do. Every man knows that when his buddies have a chance to fall into the infinity of sex, or develop a deep love connection with a woman, they will step away from their peers and give this primal relationship its primal importance. There are jokes and taunts, of course, because we have to find something that makes sense out of this surprising move away from what all male cliques imagine is their male-first, male-bonded reality. There has to be some way of interfacing with a need and intention that leaves even one’s most beloved friends in the dust. So men make some reference to ‘pussy’ and little else. Knowing winks, jokes, arm punches and some admitted sighs of recognition complete this male initiation ritual.

And now we are touching on the only problem with getting into the realm of male sensitivity. We are here unfolding a penis and watching it become erect and, somehow, trusting enough to offer it into an unknown realm, to make an offering into the woman’s body and feelings – and all that lies beyond our usual, egoic selves. The experience of entering a woman with all of the surrender that it requires is an act of profound commitment. And if you want to press me or your lover to find out if it is ‘really frightening,’ you can do that. But you need to be aware that men often do not feel the fear of penetration, commitment, consignment, offering – even though Fear always hovers somewhere very close to our most overwhelmingly meaningful and beautiful experiences.

Those that do feel the presence of Fear as they offer into Woman may have very complex and powerful defenses in place that will make them unable to speak of the magic of the entire process, let alone any possible fear. Why? Because to speak of this incredible vulnerability would make a connection in the man’s experience of all the dimensions of feeling that are potentially flooding through him. Emotional feelings, vulnerability, physical feelings, pleasure that can be boundless and overwhelming, romantic feeling, spiritual feeling and raging desire. It all happens at once!

Considering how most men express (not how they experience) orgasm, you will see the fear in an instant! Muscles opposing each other instead of breaking free into movement and celebration. Sounds that not only sound muffled or strained, but actually are being held back by ‘Mr. Cool.’ Breath that is drawn in almost instantly when orgasm demands that the man let go of all breath-control and forces a long exhale. Or several exhales (into openness, surrender, Woman), each one dropping lower and lower into a complete collapse of all conscious control.

Then there is that time after orgasm, after all that effort and excitement has exploded into a final thrust of Man-ness into infinite Woman. This is when his body (and her body) is most open. This is the time for deep bonding and the re-integration of mind-body-emotion-spirit, together as two beings, as one being dissolved into a puddle of protoplasm and relief, with a naturally rising joyful love of life. At those moments when conception is to be the outcome of sex, this is the time that the woman-body begins to respond to Man, feeling, assessing, stroking and selecting a few sperms and allowing only these to progress toward her egg, as it too moves toward the very center of the universe.

Any man who has been programmed to believe (through the programs of fear) that he must ‘control’ his orgasm will now be desperate to control the after-moment. This is what the cigarettes are for. They cancel out emotional vulnerability and openness and allow us to get everything under control once again. Did you ever wonder why Native Americans used tobacco smoke in rituals aimed at bringing peace to different peoples? Could it be because tobacco closes off the vulnerability of belly-openness and re-centers us in our heads? Now we’ve smoked, now we are ‘chill.’ [in 2010 this means, ‘non-emotional’ – which in this decade is ‘good.’]

So what happens when is a man comes without the self-suppression ritual that literally fights the body’s desire to explode? Well, a man may whimper, he may suddenly find his way to also blurt out, “Oh God… Oh God” – or, to be really cool, “Fuck yeah! Fuck yeah!” But even these expressions are culturally programmed interventions against feeling too much. If he is truly free to surrender in to sex and Woman, at that moment of climax, his body will go onto auto-pilot. It will explode all of its energy at once and your man will be roaring like a bull and planting his seed as far into your body as he can possibly thrust it. At the very same time – while his control defenses are being ripped apart at the speed of light – his entire psycho-neuro-emotional-physical-spiritual being will be experiencing the zap! of total and instantaneous reintegration.

From the time Conscious Man’s physical orgasm begins (spiritual orgasm began with the consecration into Woman), it builds over an incredibly infinite and timeless experience of maybe a minute or two, while he lets go into spontaneous movement and absolute joy. How strong is your guy? You (and he) will find out the very instant that he stops ‘acting cool’ with his orgasm and just lets it blast out of him. Good fucking, the way Nature intended it to be.

Soft male orgasms also result from total surrender and allow both partners to remain aligned and conscious of each other’s whole-being experience. If both kinds of orgastic release can come from the same commitment, consecration and surrender, then what creates these different psycho-physical expressions?

The range of possible sexual experience is the range of human potential for experience… and consciousness. Anything is possible, everything occurs, and all that we can choose is to let go and lose ourselves in total surrender. Some people can do this – some men and some women. Many simply do not (yet) want to ‘lose control.’ Many men and as many women. Those who believe that ‘staying in control of your power’ is (still) the most important thing in achieving what we lightly call, ‘sexual satisfaction,’ will obviously not resonate with these words. For those men and women who recognize surrender as a desirable sexual direction, please know that everyone pulls back in response to fears that are so delicately interwoven with our consciousness that we respond to them long before they enter our awareness.

Through a night of loving connection – or through a lifetime of partnership – Fear arises many times and ex-presses (pushes outward) in many subtle ways. As gentle invitation brings these fears to the front of our awareness, we help each other release these anti-life, anti-sexual programs… sometimes over and over again. For every fear that is thus shared and released, a wave of bonded trust follows. When our physical connection is absolute – mouth to mouth, nipple to nipple, heart to heart, belly to belly – each moment of sharing the release of fear brings ever deeper breath and union.

Moving through fear and the little ‘turn-offs’ that come from fear’s programs moves us toward total mutual surrender – and so, total union. But since everyone holds fears somewhere inside – known and unknown fears that are most stimulated to come alive through surrendering into breath and love and sex – intimacy is not about how ‘totally free’ you can feel in your offering to your lover. Intimacy that integrates mind-body-emotion-spirit is generated from how you process your fears and your partner’s fears. It is this trusting self-revelation and compassionate companionship that allows sexual partners to be deep lovers… and good friends. This is the path-way to ever deepening levels of surrender. If we discover spiritual sexual union beyond knowing the ‘right’ things to say, it will likely come this way. Because in complete surrender, in to our selves and in to each other, we are dis-solved into oneness. And from this limitless opening, new consciousness rushes in and everything is changed, inside and out.


© 2010 Syncresis. This material may be reproduced all or in part for non-commercial purposes, in its original form, with author and this blog referenced.