Inside Male Sexuality – Part I. Man Surrenders to Woman

13/06/2010

Jai Daemion © 2010 Syncresis

PART ONE: MAN SURRENDERS TO WOMAN

Man enters Woman. Sex. Listen to this: this is about what men can feel. If you are a man, feel through this and find if it rings your bell, expresses your experience in some way. If you are a woman, try to resist mentally adding the ‘woman’s perspective’ as you read this. Not many men discover this simple reality – and very few of them could tell you about it. OK we’re done with that. Lets enter into sex.

The male penis is connected inside the man’s body by a ligament. It is not free-standing (or whatever) even though it seems pretty wobbly. The wobble is to allow powerful movement and soft repositioning. When a man becomes erect, the very most sensitive part of his body moves outward from being cradled by his scrotum, balls, and any belly softness. The erection changes the penis from a passive outflow mechanism that urinates, into a single-minded extension of the male’s deepest sensitivity and feeling.

When a man enters a woman’s body, he is making an offering. He is moving in trust to allow this extremely delicate glans (and shaft) to enter another human being’s body. The penis is going to be completely stripped of all its defenses or self-protection as it enters the vagina. No amount of macho can cover this up: the erect penis is an extension of man’s most vulnerable self.

This is an act of profound surrender for the man: he is, literally, consigning himself into ‘The Great Unknown’ – and there is nothing certain about what will happen. Feelings may amaze him and can be so intense that they are frightening. It is a massive amount of feeling – sensation, emotion, meaning, hope, excitement, magic. No wonder it can be frightening, with all of these dimensions of the man’s experience firing off into infinity at once.

So some men cry as they are flooded with the incredible feeling of relief that connection into Woman brings. Woman: your body is Home to all human beings and man returns to this Home through having sex with you. His penis reaching upwards toward your womb. Your breath and heart Home to his chest and his head, as he rests upon your heart before and after sex (and in his dreams, evermore). Your connection of emotion, consciousness and your physical body (which reflects your feeling exactly, of course), do not just ‘represent’ or ‘symbolize’ something like Mother, or the start of Life, or the only place and moment of real Peace that many men ever experience. You are Home – and we are at home in you, more than anywhere else in our lives.

Do you get it? Men usually do. Every man knows that when his buddies have a chance to fall into the infinity of sex, or develop a deep love connection with a woman, they will step away from their peers and give this primal relationship its primal importance. There are jokes and taunts, of course, because we have to find something that makes sense out of this surprising move away from what all male cliques imagine is their male-first, male-bonded reality. There has to be some way of interfacing with a need and intention that leaves even one’s most beloved friends in the dust. So men make some reference to ‘pussy’ and little else. Knowing winks, jokes, arm punches and some admitted sighs of recognition complete this male initiation ritual.

And now we are touching on the only problem with getting into the realm of male sensitivity. We are here unfolding a penis and watching it become erect and, somehow, trusting enough to offer it into an unknown realm, to make an offering into the woman’s body and feelings – and all that lies beyond our usual, egoic selves. The experience of entering a woman with all of the surrender that it requires is an act of profound commitment. And if you want to press me or your lover to find out if it is ‘really frightening,’ you can do that. But you need to be aware that men often do not feel the fear of penetration, commitment, consignment, offering – even though Fear always hovers somewhere very close to our most overwhelmingly meaningful and beautiful experiences.

Those that do feel the presence of Fear as they offer into Woman may have very complex and powerful defenses in place that will make them unable to speak of the magic of the entire process, let alone any possible fear. Why? Because to speak of this incredible vulnerability would make a connection in the man’s experience of all the dimensions of feeling that are potentially flooding through him. Emotional feelings, vulnerability, physical feelings, pleasure that can be boundless and overwhelming, romantic feeling, spiritual feeling and raging desire. It all happens at once!

Considering how most men express (not how they experience) orgasm, you will see the fear in an instant! Muscles opposing each other instead of breaking free into movement and celebration. Sounds that not only sound muffled or strained, but actually are being held back by ‘Mr. Cool.’ Breath that is drawn in almost instantly when orgasm demands that the man let go of all breath-control and forces a long exhale. Or several exhales (into openness, surrender, Woman), each one dropping lower and lower into a complete collapse of all conscious control.

Then there is that time after orgasm, after all that effort and excitement has exploded into a final thrust of Man-ness into infinite Woman. This is when his body (and her body) is most open. This is the time for deep bonding and the re-integration of mind-body-emotion-spirit, together as two beings, as one being dissolved into a puddle of protoplasm and relief, with a naturally rising joyful love of life. At those moments when conception is to be the outcome of sex, this is the time that the woman-body begins to respond to Man, feeling, assessing, stroking and selecting a few sperms and allowing only these to progress toward her egg, as it too moves toward the very center of the universe.

Any man who has been programmed to believe (through the programs of fear) that he must ‘control’ his orgasm will now be desperate to control the after-moment. This is what the cigarettes are for. They cancel out emotional vulnerability and openness and allow us to get everything under control once again. Did you ever wonder why Native Americans used tobacco smoke in rituals aimed at bringing peace to different peoples? Could it be because tobacco closes off the vulnerability of belly-openness and re-centers us in our heads? Now we’ve smoked, now we are ‘chill.’ [in 2010 this means, ‘non-emotional’ – which in this decade is ‘good.’]

So what happens when is a man comes without the self-suppression ritual that literally fights the body’s desire to explode? Well, a man may whimper, he may suddenly find his way to also blurt out, “Oh God… Oh God” – or, to be really cool, “Fuck yeah! Fuck yeah!” But even these expressions are culturally programmed interventions against feeling too much. If he is truly free to surrender in to sex and Woman, at that moment of climax, his body will go onto auto-pilot. It will explode all of its energy at once and your man will be roaring like a bull and planting his seed as far into your body as he can possibly thrust it. At the very same time – while his control defenses are being ripped apart at the speed of light – his entire psycho-neuro-emotional-physical-spiritual being will be experiencing the zap! of total and instantaneous reintegration.

From the time Conscious Man’s physical orgasm begins (spiritual orgasm began with the consecration into Woman), it builds over an incredibly infinite and timeless experience of maybe a minute or two, while he lets go into spontaneous movement and absolute joy. How strong is your guy? You (and he) will find out the very instant that he stops ‘acting cool’ with his orgasm and just lets it blast out of him. Good fucking, the way Nature intended it to be.

Soft male orgasms also result from total surrender and allow both partners to remain aligned and conscious of each other’s whole-being experience. If both kinds of orgastic release can come from the same commitment, consecration and surrender, then what creates these different psycho-physical expressions?

The range of possible sexual experience is the range of human potential for experience… and consciousness. Anything is possible, everything occurs, and all that we can choose is to let go and lose ourselves in total surrender. Some people can do this – some men and some women. Many simply do not (yet) want to ‘lose control.’ Many men and as many women. Those who believe that ‘staying in control of your power’ is (still) the most important thing in achieving what we lightly call, ‘sexual satisfaction,’ will obviously not resonate with these words. For those men and women who recognize surrender as a desirable sexual direction, please know that everyone pulls back in response to fears that are so delicately interwoven with our consciousness that we respond to them long before they enter our awareness.

Through a night of loving connection – or through a lifetime of partnership – Fear arises many times and ex-presses (pushes outward) in many subtle ways. As gentle invitation brings these fears to the front of our awareness, we help each other release these anti-life, anti-sexual programs… sometimes over and over again. For every fear that is thus shared and released, a wave of bonded trust follows. When our physical connection is absolute – mouth to mouth, nipple to nipple, heart to heart, belly to belly – each moment of sharing the release of fear brings ever deeper breath and union.

Moving through fear and the little ‘turn-offs’ that come from fear’s programs moves us toward total mutual surrender – and so, total union. But since everyone holds fears somewhere inside – known and unknown fears that are most stimulated to come alive through surrendering into breath and love and sex – intimacy is not about how ‘totally free’ you can feel in your offering to your lover. Intimacy that integrates mind-body-emotion-spirit is generated from how you process your fears and your partner’s fears. It is this trusting self-revelation and compassionate companionship that allows sexual partners to be deep lovers… and good friends. This is the path-way to ever deepening levels of surrender. If we discover spiritual sexual union beyond knowing the ‘right’ things to say, it will likely come this way. Because in complete surrender, in to our selves and in to each other, we are dis-solved into oneness. And from this limitless opening, new consciousness rushes in and everything is changed, inside and out.

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END PART ONE

© 2010 Syncresis. This material may be reproduced all or in part for non-commercial purposes, in its original form, with author and this blog referenced.

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Created in His Image? The Spiritual Quest for True Gender Equality

15/05/2010

Jai Daemion © 2010-2019 Syncresis

THE PATRIARCHAL RELIGIONS OF FEAR

Looking for true gender equality in any cultural manifestation is often very difficult. Looking for gender equality in any of the Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity and Islam) can be a very depressing experience. For Woman simply is not there. If you want to really feel the actual life-effect of six thousand years of the denial and repression of Woman, you need look no further than the exclusively patriarchal hierarchies formed by these institutions.

Float like a satellite above these woman-fearing cultures and imagine being a woman with no power, no voice, no recognition, no official presence in the religion-based culture of your birth – and visualize that state of alienation as an expression of thousands of years of systematic oppression and violence. It is a shocking view of irrational denial by obviously frightened – no, by absolutely terrified – men.

Men, banded together and hiding behind great beards and big hats, each holding within their hearts a secret so terrible that they could not even reveal it even to other men. All acting out the prescribed duties and rituals of their faith with such monumental hypocrisy that it defies comprehension. Then… and now.

What was (what is) their terrible secret? Simply this: in their God-fearing hearts each man knows the power of Woman. Every man knows – however deeply this knowledge is denied – that Woman is the very center of all incarnate (embodied) life. As a primordial manifestation of the very essence of creation and evolution, if anything is holy, it is Woman.

And yet, from the first stories of creation (in The Book of Genesis), Judeo-Christian culture sets itself on a path of the denial, repression, oppression and carefully programmed cultural ignorance of the natural power of the Divine Feminine. In the temples, the mosques and the churches, men bustle about with self-important expressions on their faces. But in his heart, each man knows where lies the very center of his life, his family, his heart and, most threatening of all… his soul.

Why is this so threatening? Why is Woman so threatening to the Culture of Man that she must be so oppressed? Here is a hint: it is not because she is unworthy, unimportant or lacks spiritual authority. No, of course not.

If Woman was as inferior as our traditions have continuously maintained, there would be no need to oppress her, hold her captive or to try to kill her spirit. We do not waste time persecuting rocks. We do not hate sparrows. The only things that evoke our hate and violence are those which terrify us. And for untold thousands of years, the forces of men have been ganging up to hold the terrible threat of Woman away – away from acknowledgment and acceptance, away from social power, away from positions of religious authority and away from the powers of education and money. Away from men’s trust, away from men’s surrender. “Out of sight, out of mind” – or so fundamentalist Islam hopes. “In their proper place” – or so fundamentalist Christianity prays. And the motivation is the same, and it is simply Fear. No other explanation fits the historical facts.

So why are women so traditionally feared by men? Is it truly because they are ‘unworthy’ and hence hold no spiritual power? No, it is because they are so powerful that every man is somewhere afraid in the face of this enormity. That’s all it is. Six thousand (or more) years of horrific subjugation and violence, because Woman is so powerful – so powerful that Man is terrified.

Woman begins us all, protects us in her belly, births us, saves our lives a thousand ways, offers a total commitment to our lives and releases us into the world. Not all human beings have experienced this total love and commitment of course. But this potential lives in the Archetype of The Mother and individual human beings participate in this archetype at different levels of being and awareness.

Man provides but a single spark of sperm (which is an absolute bare minimum of effective physical form). Ideally, man protects and nurtures his unborn children (and their mothers). Man provides an interface between his family and the world-at-large – enfolding, protecting, providing, serving. Man attracts his children into a world beyond the Mother-Child bond and (with the mother) guides their development in myriad ways. Individual men participate in this archetypal function more or less. But Man knows that in the primal manifestation of Life in embodied, human form, Woman is primary. Woman is the source of all human life. If there is a ‘first sex,’ it would be Woman.

In the face of this awareness, in a sometimes pitiful attempt to ‘save face,’ men have gathered together for untold thousands of years and pretended with each other that other things matter more. Men make a ritual of holding secret the wonder, awe and inspiration that flows to and through them from Woman. It is acknowledged in signs and gestures. It is admitted usually only when directly asked. But whenever it is stated, the statement is absolute: every man knows. Wherever such awe and wonder exists, human psyches are very malleable. And in this state of openness, men are guided, invited, directed, urged (and, let’s face it, manipulated) by their desire to merge into oneness with Woman. Hence the beards. Hence the ponderous gravity of the ‘religious’ man.

Man has wasted thousands of years pretending that Woman is inferior when, in fact, She is the primal power of all physical manifestation in the universe-of-universes. Thus we have the foolishness of the Christian trinity of Father, Son and Holy Ghost – the whaaat? Are we so afraid of including Woman’s spiritual presence that we obliterate her and replace her with an apparition? Yes, obviously we are. God help us if we realized a holy trinity of Mother, Father and ourselves as the Children of that union.

Men! Unite! Put on your funny hats and pray to God that God-the-Father is the only holy force. And when you go home at night and surrender your last breath of the day in to Woman, with such relief and gratitude, we will just agree that this shall be our little secret. I won’t tell if you don’t tell.

In the morning we will again dress in our regalia and finery and the hierarchy of Man shall be re-created and we can walk freely away from the absolute magnificence of Woman – as indeed we do, every morning-after – and we shall rule and we shall be the Kings once again. At least, we shall be the rulers until we are deposed in battle – or until we go home and meet the deeper calling that awaits us there, be we men or women.

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BUILDING GILDED CASTLES IN THE SAND

These principles are based in our history and reflected in the empty shells of the major world religions and the cultures-of-denial that they have spawned (and which they will fight and kill to maintain). But why speak of these things here? What does this have to do with your lifelong spiritual quest? At least this:

If you follow the teachings of any religious/spiritual tradition and find there a basic and constant denial of Woman, then how complete can the overall system of belief actually be? What point is there in ‘believing in’ anything that is absolutely committed to excluding half of humankind, allowing only a gendered half of human experience, half of embodied consciousness, only half of our spiritual presence in the cosmos? Why buy into a programmed system of belief that is committed to creating God in the image of Man and so betrays the very most primal, experiential truth known to every human being – of the absolute equality or even the absolute primacy of Woman?

Our culture is coming awake to this massive and deeply ingrained social inequality between men and women. In what may be later seen as grossly clumsy and reactive stabs at ‘correcting gender inequality’ we pump out rhetoric and demand organizational changes. Women act out what they think will make them ‘competitive’ within the male-dominated culture. Men meekly assume the position of ‘discovering their feminine side’ which they hope will evoke greater acceptance from women.

How much this exchange of attitudes occurs in American culture can only be seen from somewhere far away from this massively coercive cultural vortex. In any case, we now feel pride as we collectively exhort and threaten and cajole and compromise with the traditional, patriarchal establishment to ‘allow’ women to participate – at all levels of society.

This has been going on for well over a century and yes, we have become a little closer to androgynous equality, but perhaps at the expense of knowing the essence of Primal Man and knowing the essence of Primal Woman. For so long as Woman has been denied, neither gender has been free to find its essence and to realize its respective consciousness.

In your spiritual quest, what we seem unable to admit as a culture, you may have to admit to yourself: these traditional ‘faiths’ cannot be corrected or adjusted to admit Woman and all that she is. We can enlarge our contexts to accept women as ministers or priests. But the religions themselves are based so squarely in patriarchal ignorance that ultimately, the religions cannot be salvaged.

It is time to begin again. Somewhere beyond religion. It is time to take the ‘God of Wrath’ off of his throne and in to our Hearts, to nurse him at woman-breast and let him breathe in her Power and her Love.

It is time to recycle god into a new awareness. No more thrones, no more Basilicas, no more Sistine Chapels. And no more Holy Inquisitions. Just Open-Heart Surrender that allows spirit to be at home in your consciousness. A direct one-to-one relationship.

This is beyond belief! Every belief is a programmed value that you have been told to try your best to accept as real. You are told to ignore any contradictions that you see in the program, ‘as a matter of faith.’ Belief is powerful, but its power requires you to betray what you know through direct experience. Knowing, is absolute.

Knowing occurs when something is real with in your experience. And there is no doubting what you know to be true for you. No doubt means that no faith is required to build understanding and expand your consciousness. ‘Faith’ is a negotiated position – a compromise between you and the culture which programmed you. Direct, experiential knowing is, simply, real. As we step into this new mode of being… everything is different!

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WELL THANK GOD FOR BUDDHISM!

The Abrahamic, monotheistic (one-God) religions are hopelessly mired in pseudo-masculinist auhoritarianism. Thus it is perhaps understandable why so many millions are turning to the ancient religious traditions of Asia with fresh hope. So we might say, ‘Thank God for Buddhism!’ at such a time of cultural religious crisis. But alas, there is no god in Buddhism, so those who declare Buddhism as their religion have already lost the plot. Buddhism is a god-less philosophy. It is a Way, a model, a path and a paradigm.

It would be nice – and convenient – if you could escape the anti-woman bias of Christianity (and maybe, especially, Islam) by ‘becoming a Buddhist.’ Unfortunately, this is a fanciful dream: the original Buddha, Gautama (or Shakamyuni), refused to teach women when he was traveling around seeking converts to his personal system of belief. This denial of women was as common to the Buddha’s cultural context as were the similar denials in the Judeo-Christian-Islamic traditions. Ordinary, perhaps predictable, but not necessarily easily excusable. These are foundational beliefs that have inevitably affected everything that has been built upon them.

Here is a perfect example: ‘Buddhahood’ is a state of consciousness, and does not refer to a specific individual. So there have been many Buddhas throughout time. One of the most important Buddhas was Amitabha Buddha, whose vision described ‘The Land of Ultimate Bliss’ – which gave rise to Pure Land sect of Buddhism in the 1st and 2nd century c.e. (approximately 500 years after Gautama Buddha). Amitabha is revered throughout Asia and is known for his ’48 Vows,’ which still serve as a model that millions of people hope to follow.

This is Amitabha’s 35th vow. Read it slowly and believe what you read:

If, when I attain Buddhahood, women in the immeasurable and inconceivable Buddha-lands of the ten directions who, having heard my Name, rejoice in faith, awaken aspiration for Enlightenment and wish to renounce womanhood, should after death be reborn again as women, may I not attain perfect Enlightenment.”

Here is the same quotation with the flowery fluff removed: “If women, having heard my name, rejoice in faith and awaken aspiration (desire) for Enlightenment and so wish to renounce womanhood, should be reborn again as women, may I not attain perfect Enlightenment.” 

Can you see the deeply implanted rejection of Woman as inferior? This is not a casual ‘misspeak’ of a mass media newsperson or a politician: this is a carefully considered revelation of a basic, foundational, belief. And it has been repeated and revered for almost 2000 years! Now, maybe it is time for something completely different!

Not only do we allow such blind ignorance to continue, today millions of followers rationalize the ancient anti-woman bias as a ‘thing of the times’ and so struggle to remain students of these traditional teachers. But you cannot say, “Oh, well that’s just about women, the rest of his teaching must be very wise.” You cannot say such a thing because you are woman – whether male or female in your body – and you carry the potential to experience direct relationship to woman in every XX and every XY chromosome of every cell of your body. And with every outbreath. And in the stillness of every night. And in so many other ways….

There is no need to make excuses for any teacher, for any religion, for any spiritual tradition or any form of cultural madness. No excuses are needed and none are possible. And so there comes a time when you simply have to walk away from what your experience knows is untrue. When you discover that perhaps all that you have ever known is untrue, this is a very scary moment. And walking away from it a very difficult thing to do. Fear often produces panic and blaring inner questions. Fear that deeply held beliefs may be untrue causes what psychologists call, Cognitive Dissonance. The experience of this internal confrontation is exactly like a tsunami crashing into a house made of sticks and paper.

What if there are no real guides to light my way? What if no tradition includes ‘The All and Everything’ of my experience, or my consciousness, or the consciousness that abides beyond-the-beyond?

Yes, what if…? What is, indeed!

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BUT THERE IS ALWAYS YOGA… ISN’T THERE?

The ancient wisdom of the Vedas –which is known as Vendanta – serves as the foundation for all the yogas of India. As each new generation of humans discovers the promise of yoga, a common hope is awakened: “Surely I will be able to find wholeness in this sacred and ancient wisdom.” Well, you may find traces of true gender equality in the yogas, often enough to silence your suspicions for awhile so that you can surrender to the ‘masters’ and become a true chela (a disciple, a student).

Indian religion is monotheistic (based on a single God), but it also has thousands of lesser Gods that are worshiped in different (and often spectacular) ways in the world’s greatest variety of temples, sects and beliefs. Some of these gods are female deities, and many of the great teachers (or gurus) of the yogic traditions are women. “Maybe here there is a place to turn where I can expect true gender equality….” And maybe not.

In the Vedantic yogas, the ‘highest’ form of spiritual practice is that of the celibate – the celibate male. By taking the vows of Brahmacharya, a student consigns all of his sexual energy to the nourishment of his higher consciousness. Especially lately, women can also become Brahmacharya under the guidance of their gurus. Traditionally, in the realm of the male, celibacy was intended to hold him away from temptation (sound familiar yet?) while delivering him from evil (or now?). For the dedicated yogi, emotion is the experiential equivalent of the Christian Satan. It traps the unwary in the realm of desire and creates karma that will require untold hundreds (or even hundreds of thousands) of extra lifetimes to ‘work through.’

Some male yogis get married and have families. These men are called, ‘householders.’ Although they are believed to be compromised in their spiritual attainment by their association with women and sexuality, they are accepted as being ‘the best that they can be’ for this lifetime. Usually without too much disdain, the true Bhramacharya students and the gurus accept the householders as sincere devotees.

Even with this acceptance, however, gurus advise their male householder students to have sex no more than once a month. Why? Because women are fearsome things and if you give in to what is assumed to be woman’s insatiable sexual desire, it is taught that she will suck you dry of your vital essence (your ojas) and you will wither, become ill and suffer a premature death. On top of that (as if this was not enough ignorance to trigger your red flag), you will be cautioned against feeling too much pleasure. Because pleasure breeds desire, desire breeds attachment and attachment breeds untold thousands of extra lives before you can sit at the Godhead.

Oddly, women who are students of the yogic paths often seem perturbed by being asked to deal with this current of anti-woman fear and suspicion. Cognitive Dissonance again? Most probably. Their belief (faith) in the system of yoga and its supposed inherent perfection is hit by the tsunami of the revelation of this age-old misogyny… and they cannot be open to hearing this news.

So there we have it – the ‘Spiritual Path’ sounds like a romp in the meadows of divinity… but it is actually much, much more. We have struggled for decades to overcome our gender-wars and it seems we still have much further to go.

But there is hope rising with our new generations. The youngest of our living generations in some of the world’s cultures are approaching each other with open equality. With pure hearts but often lacking the understanding that a mutually respectful cultural tradition might have imparted. So in some ways they still struggle with uncertainty. Nevertheless, the movement toward wholeness and true equality is continually unfolding through our collective consciousness.

Once it gains only a little more in its momentum, then the artificial edifices of towers, castles and cathedrals will no longer be needed. Sure, we could rebuild them to reflect the new wholeness (holiness?) that we may discover… but it is more likely that we will see no further need for such symbols of grandeur and power.

Are you personally ready for such an adventure, undertaken with open awareness and surrender to the guidance of your own experience? And if you are, might I gently ask…

When will you begin?

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© 2010-2019 Syncresis. This material may be reproduced all or in part for non-commercial purposes, in its original form, with author and this blog referenced.